Dear 34 year old me,
It’s currently 17th January 2016, I’m sitting on my bed eating an entire chocolate orange and writing this blogpost… obviously. This chocolate orange will probably make me bloat but are you like fat? Hahahahahahaha that’s funny. Sucks to be you, sorry it’s probably a sensitive area. I wonder what you dress like. Please don’t dress like a mum. I wonder what the fashions are? What item of clothing now optimizes the 2010s? Do you ever even wear clothes?
Do I become a nudist?
Where do you live? Please say London. Have you traveled? Please travel, book an adventure right now!
I’ve just finished my chocolate orange, I’m going to be so fat and so are you.
Also take Mum with you. Please go to Rhodes, we both want to go to Rhodes. Or Paris, I love Paris.
What’s your job? If it makes you sad please quit and move to the seaside to write books and work at an ice cream parlor. Thanks. Are you in a relationship? Are you married? Do you have children? What am I kidding you’re probably alone with your cat.
Have you had the sexy times yet? I mean you’re 34, I sort of hope so, but like whatever dude you’re a loser. You don’t need the sexy times.
Do you still write things? If not, please start writing again!!! It’s so important and I don’t even need to tell you why.
Are you still vegetarian? Are you vegan? Can you prepare anything more than a pot noodle yet? I’ve sort of always wanted to be a good cook, so if you’re still shit please get on that.
Did I pass my GCSEs? What grades did I get? What did I get at A Level? Are you like a doctor of philosophy? That would be so cool, but I’m too stupid for that.
I wonder if you still talk to any of your high school friends? Probably not, but I wonder what they will be doing in twenty years time. Are they married? I’m guessing Beth has kids? Probably Ellie? Annie too? Mona probably has like one. Are you and Jacob friends? I feel that out of all the people you will probably still talk to him. Is he married? Does he live in Scotland? If not, you should tell him to do that, he really wants to live in Scotland and become a ginger.
Do you have money? Have you ever done a peaceful protest? How many cats do you have – twenty or twenty two? Have you tried to put fairy lights in the oven? Is your house decorated cute? Go to IKEA today, IKEA’s cool. Is there still an IKEA? Wait you’re twenty years into the future, two whole decades, so much must have changed.
Mum’s like 67, she’s still alive okay. And Chris, how is he? Does Chris have a girlfriend? Does Chris have a job? Does Chris still live with Mum and Dad? CHRIS WILL BE 31 JESUS CHRIST.
Do you keep changing your life around? Please don’t tell me you’ve stayed in the same place. Do something really weird. Something you will always remember. Please don’t be like a Mother with two kids and a lousy husband who is tied down to her family home for the next twenty years. Just try not to follow the system and try to be as unique as possible. Because I know I’m naive, but sometimes you need to have a childlike perspective. Pretend there are no barriers and there is no right way to do anything. Try not to be fearful. Listen to good music and wear cool clothes. Do the things that you love and never feel like you need to do anything. Make mistakes and create chaos. Welcome unproductivity and embrace creativity.
Remain cool Grandma.
From 14 year old you 🙂
Thank you so much for reading this letter directed towards myself, twenty years in the future. Is there anything you wish to ask your future self in the year 2036?
If you’re wondering about the title, there is a Pulp song called Disco 2000 which is based on a similar idea to this blogpost, but about the year 2000.