Opnions and Ramblings · Poetry

The Bad Writer + New Poem

Today I am combining a new poem I’ve written with a mini ramble. As some of you may know, I am a writer. Not in the way that my name is printed on millions of books, but in the small scale word document with clumsy late night ideas and poetic titles kind of way. Some of you may also know, as well as loving fictional writing, I also write poems, which are becoming incredibly infrequent on this blog. This is because of the pressure to be creative and original, which comes from an old confidence which I am now struggling to live up to. It’s the idea that my talent is slipping away. It is the idea of becoming out of control. I am mostly dissatisfied with my poetry and it is usually the flow of the poem which is the problem.  It sounds okay in my own head, but this is because I’ve paired it with my own subconscious beat which the poem itself doesn’t have.

Am I making any sense?

I don’t know. I just think when your ‘art’ is very personal, in the way that it means a lot to you, you seem to be susceptible to writer’s blocks more often. And sometimes I feel like I’ve never created anything actually good, but my novella, Noodle Panda as some of you may know it, is giving me so much more confidence in my writing and when I write that I believe I can go places with it.

Just remember that your own creativity can never be defined and just because it’s changing doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing. You will evolve as a writer and you may not like it at first, but it’s like getting used to a new house or a new macaroni cheese brand, it may be different but it doesn’t mean it’s worse. Experiment with your own mind and remember there is no such thing as a bad writer.

I’m now going to give you a little poem I’m written on this subject and it illustrates the point I’m making about the pressure to be a good writer but the poem itself is also a symbol of something which I don’t feel confident with and that’s okay.

The Bad Writer
By Alexandra Harrison

A computer fat and hot and smoking
Humming softly as coloured lines rip the screen
A cup of steaming coffee
Dusty old dictionaries and chaotic drafted scenes

Eyes glossy and white from a dull document
And simple black characters printed in Arial
Font 11
Overworked and gleaming with forgotten potential

Notebooks filled with thin ink
Casting grey lines across tea stained pages
Scribbles and circles and bad ideas
That were really quite good
If you hadn’t have been so tired
Exclamation mark, colon
And a comma in front of ‘while’

Music makes the characters dance
And you’re scared because you lose control
Paperweights and breakfast plates
And publishers to call
Notes on bad ideas
That were never bad at all

The creator
The controller
The writer of twenty four characters
That seem more human than the humans
Well some of them at least
More emotion
More talking
More enemies to defeat
That seem more evil
But they are the simpler sort
Is your Art to basic?
Is it worth reading at all?

Paperback covers and hardback too
You smile at a book fondly
It could have been you
What was this man’s ambition?
How did it happen to him?
How had he not gone mad?
From the pressure
And deadlines
The antonyms! The synonyms!
The idealisms for perfection
The motivation to be unique
To not be plain or boring
Or predictable or lame
How had he done it?

Well, maybe it was okay to become insane


 

Thank you so much for reading,

Alex

ps. I was craving macaroni cheese

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55 thoughts on “The Bad Writer + New Poem

      1. Ah, was that annoying for you? 4 steaks is definately a way to break the vegetarianism haha. I’m someone who always sticks to the rules so I can imagine I would do something like that when drunk, just to rebel because “I’ve had enough of this”

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Lol honestly, I remember eating it and saying “wtf, I’ve gone 17 years without eating a steak, this is fucking amazing!!” But it was when I was sober, I just would always gross myself out when eating meat. I’ve gotten better at it but there’s still that one piece of meat that I bite into and I’m like “ew ew ew” and done with meat for that day. My brain screws with me, I’ll have a mouth full of meat and my brain will start scanning through all the awful meat factory pictures I’ve seen and I’d immediately start getting sick. Now when I eat meat, I have to cook it, to know it’s fully done, and I just eat it really fast so my brain doesn’t have time to really catch up with the fact I’m eating an animal. But I live in an area where hunting is a huge deal, I’ve ate deer once, never ever ever again will I do that, ever.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Just eat whatever you feel comfortable with, eat meat if you want to eat because at the end of the day that’s the most important thing. If eating meat does make you feel bad then maybe try going veggie for a week? Just seeing how it goes, or just cutting out some meat products you really hate but still have a little bit of chicken on your mac and cheese? It’s your choice completely. I think I’ve had steak like once and it was really nice but I’ve been a veggie for five years now and I’ve just got used to it

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Are you a veggie or a vegan? You still enjoy your eggs, cheese, and milk right? I think I would have no problem going back to being veggie, but I know I wouldn’t be able to go vegan, milk is my life but I’ve also heard some awful milk factory stories:/

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I have too, I love vegan food so so much, but as we all know I also love cheese… It’s hard life. I remember having this amazing chickpea burger at a festival with all this relish and cous and cous, it was so good!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Ahhhh seriously?! It’s thee best pot smoking comedy movie out! Seth Rogan and James Franco are the two lead roles. You gotta at least look it up! Are you from America, I don’t remember if you said or not. But If not, then that explains why you don’t know of the movie. Came out in 2008.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I LOVE the phrase “gleaming with forgotten potential.” I sighed a little when I read it.

    Your worries about being original reminded me of a very reassuring piece of advice I read in Big Magic (which you might want to read) – I don’t have the exact quote, but it was something like “Don’t worry if it has been done before. It hasn’t been done by YOU yet and that’s enough”

    Keep at it! You’re wonderful 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow. I just started reading your blog and I admire your poetry soooo much! You are so awesome! I think about the ‘subconscious beat’ thing a lot too. If you want you could try adding in punctuation to make it more structured. But sometimes the thing I like about poetry is that every reader interprets it differently and in the end we all come up with unique rhythms. 😃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, that literally made my day, I think I do need to add more punctuation but I also love how poetry is so free in its interpretation. Thank you for taking the time to read my stuff, I’ll go and take a look at yours!

      Like

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