Poetry

A Selfish Poem

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La soirรฉe by Vittorio Reggianini (1858-1938)

A selfish poem
By Alexandra Harrison

I do not have the giddiness of her
The brightness or the charm
She makes them laugh with her madness
That is really quite controlled

I do not have the wit of her
Neither the effortless beauty
The passion or desire
Shining bright and blotting me out

I do not have the elegance
The calmness or the mystery
The firmness
The quirkiness or the strategy

I do not have the  sweetness
The innocence or the wonder
The strength or confidence
Loud and magnificent like thunder

I do not have much at all
In fact I do not have anything
Invisible, hunched and scrawny
I am the girl made of nothing

 

Kind of nervous to post this, because this poem is kind of autobiographical, so I’ve slipped it in the quiet Tuesday night spot. This poem is really bad, but I kind of just wanted to talk about how I feel. Basically, I probably despise myself more than anyone ever could and being around amazing people like my friends (and kind of being in their shadow) makes me feel terrible about myself. And it’s selfish, but it really freaking hurts my feelings (and it’s no one’s fault) so I thought I’d turn to poetry to tell you all about it. I could honestly go on forever about the whole situation, but I really don’t want to.  I guess some people feel better being around other people, but usually  it just makes my self esteem shoot to an all time low.

(Sorry I haven’t really gone into much detail, I know I sound pathetic, but it’s a little more dramatic if I went into more detail, but I just don’t want to do that.)

What am I saying? My life isn’t dramatic AT ALL.

Also, I really love putting pictures with my poems at the moment. That painting to me represents the meaning of friendship in the 1800s and I’m basically making a sassy point about how it’s the same in modern High Schools (everyone trying to impress, prove themselves etc etc)

Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely evening! Feel free to feedback on my poem, or my random blabber (is that a word?) if you want to!

Thank you so much for reading,

Alex

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23 thoughts on “A Selfish Poem

  1. I love that you have these pictures with your poems; they both tell a story. And it’s not pathetic or selfish at all! Everybody feels like that once in a while, only the degree of it changes. And really Alex, I may not know you really well, but from what I do know about you I can tell that you’re a lovely, caring, smart and witty person. You shouldn’t stand in anyone’s shadow ๐Ÿ’•

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Ruth, you never fail to brighten my day. I’m actually shaking, those words mean so so much and I’m lucky to have such a friendly voice to speak to on the Internet. You’re a star!

      ps. thank you, I really love finding the pictures for my poems, it’s so fun!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s fine, girl. As a high schooler myself, I totally understand how you feel. Like after I look around at the accomplishments of my peers or even at how amazing their personalities are, I often feel like nothing myself.
    I admit…the art of learning to not compare/compete with others is very difficult to master. *sighs*
    Regardless, girl, you run an amazing blog AND you can write some legit kick-butt poetry, and that definitely takes a lot of talent and awesomeness and hard work! So you’re doing fine ๐Ÿ™‚
    Good luck! I wish you the best! Just remember that although there’s always room for improvement, you’re already fine, amazing, and just right, just as you are right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re AMAZING. To reach out to someone across the Internet and literally put a huge smile on their face and make them feel so much better about themselves is absolutely wonderful.

      I am glad I reached out to you, but remember to tell the lovely things you said to me to yourself too! We are always our harshest critics.

      Thank you so much for the complement about my writing, I’m still working on this blog and all the content in it, but it’s nice to know that someone thinks it’s any good!

      Like

      1. You’re also absolutely phenomenal! Keep writing! I feel like as we blog more and write more, we also become better writers ourselves ๐Ÿ™‚ So um yeah! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I actually relate a lot to that poem! It isn’t pathetic or anything, it’s the way of being human so don’t berate yourself for that.
    P.S. I consider blabber as a word. It does pop up in swipe-type so I’m going to assume it is.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not sure if I used it’s the right way to use it though, haha. And I’m sorry that you relate to it to be honest, it’s not a nice feeling and I know deep down it’s not pathetic, I’ve just got a habit of putting myself down. Thank you so much for reading xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I love this poem so much! Really, it’s not bad in the slightest. I honestly would gladly buy a whole novel of your poems โค Don't feel bad about yourself, you are so wildly awesome (from what I can tell) and you're so much more than a shadow! This poem is so lovely, it's completely relatable and I completely understand, try not to put yourself down.

    A great picture to suit the photo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Yes, I adore old paintings. This one isn’t one of my favourites because the detail isn’t as good as some, but still sets the mood really well. I love using pictures when posting my poems and I find them all on tumblr and Pinterest if you’re interested xx

      Liked by 1 person

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